I have learned so many things over this past year; learned about myself, about other people, and about life. Today, I saw many different kinds of people in one place. Celebrating one thing, Independence. Yes, I made "I" a capital. It is a very important concept, our Independence. Very important, indeed.

As an older lady sat down in front of me on the freshly cut grass in the park, I realized, she knows so much more than me. She has seen probably more than 50 firework displays. Will this one be up to par? Will this display of brightly-colored and loud markings in the sky sustain her happiness for just a little while longer? What has made her push along in her life? I know her life was a struggle because she has 5 kids with many more grandchildren running about. As she sports a light pink ribbon, she looks back at me and smiles. A smile of gratitude.

I want to be like her; happy as can be.

Laying on a spread out blanket big enough for two, a couple embrace each other as if they were holding on for dear life. I know the fireworks surely weren't the cause of it. Just the company of one another was the cause of their happiness. At that moment, with the light booming in the background, they smiled with their eyes; only seeing the light from within.

I want to be like them; happy as can be.

As I looked around the festival of Americans, I notice a group of friends. Something that I was actually part of once. Not today and probably not tomorrow, but one day I will have that again. Where all my cares when away, my smile wouldn't decay, my heart would melt and sway, the law that I just couldn't obey; I certainly do remember those days.

I was like them; happy as can be.

I was with my family.

I am like me; happy as can be.

I'm sitting here thinking....what the hell?! I asked you to tell me the truth. And that's what I thought I got. But instead, now, it's quite a shock. I hate the fact you make me this way. Should never believe what you say. I won't anymore, sorry, but I have to protect myself. My love, for now, is put on the shelf never to be seen again. You were a part of the sin. You were a part of my life. You were the light. But I can't see clearly now. Before, I was just a fool of a clown. To believe what you say is demented. I'm crazy for believing. I'm crazy for loving. I'm crazy for trusting. I'm crazy for everything.

so... this is quite the unfortunate delay. But now, my time will not go into you. Thinking of you. Thinking of us together. Forget all the bad times. Forget all the good. Forget the feelings. Forget them I should. I will never be quite the same. I don't believe I'm the one to blame. I was led on....once again. But for now, I can't forgive. Although, I have forgiven many things, you are one that i can't, for now. I just can't believe. The hope I had was decieved from the pride that you tried to keep. But keeping that pride wasn't worth it was it? you just wanted to use your love for someone else against me. And at that you certainly did achieve. So goodbye for now. I just can't help to seem ungrateful.

This is all I have to say. I hope that you think of me when you get laid by her.

wow, it's been forever since i have wrote in this. crazy...

i went through all my entries from before and figured out that i've been through some crazy stuff. Just kinda amazing, now that i look through it.

i figured that i wouldn't be able to get on anymore.

but, i can. I'm now attending Arizona State... funny how times change, your surroundings change, your friends change. everything changes. you just have to learn to adapt and understand. but with my new friends and an old friend i had the best time today. i got to hangout with my mom. went to class, did homework, talked to an old friend, watched the man of the year, and just had a random night chillin in vikki's car and outside of jack in the box. pretty good times until it started smelling like humans...lol. when vikki killed a joke about killin a joke... priceless.

I'm sitting here hoping someone will call me. I'm worried that something has happened. i'll try not to think about it but it's causing my cycle to mess up. i can't sleep. argh. black marks on my hand are just remnants of the club that i had a very crappy time at. a waste of 10 dollars.

i have so many things to worry about but only one thing reins above the rest. i'm restless.

This whole day i have been in bed. I didn't even get out of my bed until 6 30 today. My whole body ached. Oh well, i'm sort of ok now. i just didn't go to school or anything. and today was my daddy birthday. we had dinner at home. I don't know what else to say other than i have to catch up on my reading. haha. All of my dreams were like a movie. It was really interesting. but anyway...catch up later.

Date:	2005-10-16 23:48
Subject:	Moving in on up!!!!! to the eastside!
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

Life has been treating me pretty well. I really can't complain. That's the great thing about it! I love my friends and everyone that has helped me through the troubling times that I had in the past, especially this summer. I really can count on you guys. I just really hope that my friend can get through her troubling times. I am lucky to have met this guy,Beau, that makes me laugh and knows just what to do. The only thing is though I don't feel like I can give any guy my whole heart because a piece of it is with someone else. It really shouldn't be... but it is. I figured I'd be over it by now but nope... Oh well, at least with someone new i might finally be able to get over him. I am very attracted to him, Beau, that is, so I hope things go well between us, even though I don't know what to expect. Well, I have school tomorrow early in the morning and I actually want to eat breakfast tomorrow so I'm going to get up earlier than usual. Thanks everybody for making my life fun and fullfilling. :)

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

I am finally starting to get excited about school. yep. I said it.

Life right now is kind of boring. Just going to work....

but I got a new haircut. It isn't as short as i usually cut it. It's really choppy looking. It's different.

if i knew how to post pictures i would put a picture on here.

Well, my plans for the night were ruined, an half an hour before the night was suppose to begin. heh.

That's when I decided to write in this because I have nothing better to do.

It's not that anybody cares....but I just felt like wasting my time doing something other than watching tv.

Well, I guess that's it. Nothing much left.

Just that it was fun writing all of this in one line increments.

Miqi...

Date:	2005-07-27 21:43
Subject:	what's going on......
Security:	Public
Mood:	cold

Well what going on in my life...it happens to a lot of people...it's the simple fact that people get divorce but is it that simple? It seemed as if a lot of my friends had parents that got a divorce but I never thought that it would ever come to this. After 19 years of living with each other, it doesn't seem natural. After everything they had been through together, moving across the country(twice), building several houses together, just everything. and it ends like this. I don't know maybe it's for the better. The past couple years haven't been the best....actually i can't remember when life at home what all that great but I have had several different families take me in as their own...I don't know if I would have survived without them...I actually got to see what a loving family was like...not that my family isn't loving but their is a lot of arguing...and i mean a lot. I try to stay away from it from being with friends. It just seems like i am running away.

My parents have managed to buy 4 vehicles in one week. heh. there goes the money that should go to education. but at least I got a red 2004 tacoma. It's beautiful. The only thing that gets me is that my sister that doesn't even have a license got a 2000 sentra. I had to live with a crappy TOPAZ for a year and a half! hehe. yeah i know i sound all ungrateful but it just doesn't seem right is all. oh well, good for my sister I guess. My dad got a 1991 nissan truck with a cap. it's pretty nice considering how old it is and that is has a sweet sound system. My mom got a saturn. it's nice with leather seats and everything. I think it's a 2001 but it only has 13,000 miles on it. SO that was a pretty good deal. It seems funny though because we have 6 cars but only 3 legal drivers. hehe.

Um...I have been thinking about a lot of things lately, like...i'd rather not say...nm...

I have been going out a lot...and I mean a lot....like everynight I go hang out with Franky, Teresa, Henry, Alonzo, Gab, and sometimes Ricky. I have a lot of fun with them. They are halarious. I am really glad that I have a group to hang out with. It's really stable,well, until school starts and everyone moves away but until then I plan on hanging out with them. Um...I would be out with them right now but it's kind of late to head out (10:30) so I decided to stay in. I have work tomorrow morning anyway. hehe. Yeah...I have been coming home kind of late. like 1:30, 2. I didn't really have anyone to talk to today so I decided to write in here. It kind of releases all that i'm thinking about.

Hey Andrew, thanks for calling. It was really nice hearing your voice again. I am glad that all is well for you. I really hope that you can come down this summer. I go to school the 22nd of August to give you a time frame.

I feel so lonely during the day. My friends and sisters are in school. I really need to find something to take my mind of off being lonely and bored. The thing is that I don't like watching tv because I feel as if there are more important things to do. I can't stand just sitting there and not doing anything. Just vegetating. hehe. I even resorted to studying for a math accuplacer test for college, which I never really intended on taking it again but since I have all this free time, why not? heh. I study from this cd-rom that I got like 4 years ago when I first started high school. I wish I would have used it. It probably would have helped me.

Ah, well, I had better get some sleep. long day ahead of me.

Date:	2005-07-20 02:04
Subject:	Sike!
Security:	Public
Mood:	thirsty
Music:	AC Vent - How Lovely

Why is it that you get yourself all siked up about something but it never really happens? Do our dreams get in the way of reality? Does love clouden your views certain people, like they can never do anything wrong so it must be my fault? Don't ever let that happen. Don't let it get that bad. Don't let someone hurt you, especially if they don't even care about you. Only care about those who care about you. I don't know. This is all really weird and obscure but I am just writing down all that I am thinking. Which isn't much, obviously. hehe. I don't know....I guess some things in life aren't as they seem, especially in relationships. You think you have it all figured out but then something comes and it all seems as though the world, or should i say my world, is crumbling apart.

oh and thanks Franky....I had a really nice time and I hope to do it again.

With a great big hug to all,
Miqi

Date:	2005-07-12 01:25
Subject:	Subject!
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy

What do you do when you can't find the words....to describe how you feel deep down. Do you just blurt it out or do you just hold it in until you find those perfect words?

I'm not sure what to say because what I might say may hurt somebody or it may hurt relationships that I have or would have in the future. See, right now I can't even find the words. This all seems like mumbo jumbo...hehe. oh well. as long as it makes me feel better and I let something out even if it isn't to anyone imparticular.

two and a half years later...i still seem to be wishing that I had stayed...but then I wouldn't have met all the great people that I know now.

I really don't have much to say other than, people hurt me but I never let them know. I should start saying what is on my mind, but I am so passive that I don't even notice that I let it slip. I let it go on for too long. I make people believe that I am not angry, or sad, or depressed. I act like nothing is wrong.

for now,
"nothing is wrong".....

Date:	2005-05-01 21:46
Subject:	Put the lime in the coke!
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained
Music:	Cammie's clarinet

Prom was yesterday. Twas fun. The food at Jaxon's isn't that great but I probably couldn't have eaten it anyway. I wasn't feeling that great even though I hadn't eaten much all day. After Prom, We couldn't figure out what in the world to do so...I say well let's go to the Sac and chill....yeah...let's just say that was funny and quite relaxing. 4 p.m. arrive home....oooo. poor eric had to drive home from my house (which is out in nowhere land), and he was so tired...

It's pretty much official....I am going to the University of Texas at El Paso. yeah. I have nothing else to say about that.

Erin came over today. So she got to see my awesome room. I had been working on the house to make it look half way decent.

Life has been pretty stressful lately.

ehh..get use to it.

Date:	2005-03-25 22:56
Subject:	A crazy little thing called.....
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy
Music:	loud cars

WARNING:WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ MY CAUSE:HEADACHES, ICHY EYES, DIARRHEA, UPSET STOMACH, LOWER GAS MILAGE....

I love Blue Collar Comedy Tour. I guess you have to watch it to understand the beginning of this long-awaited entry. I believe....that laughter is the best way to recovery. (settle down Patch Adams...)

I love my friends. What more can I say? Everyone has touched me in one way or another. (good and bad)...just kidding. I wish that I could make everyone's lives the way they want them...wait a second, I wouldn't have any friends then. hehe.

Sometimes I don't understand why when I try my hardest it never seems to be enough. Especially, when it comes to softball. I don't even want to start on that... STUPID COACH!...ok, i'm good.

I am not a weirdo!, I swear. That one was for you, Erin. I hope you're having fun. @those two parties. -Miqikaline

I hope you are having fun with your other half, Victoria. -Q

"I want to break free!"-queen, otherwise known as that awesome coke commericial...with the people dancing in random places.

I really don't want to talk about my boring life but here it goes...
I got accepted to Baylor, Texas Tech, and in the honors program at UTEP. The problem is...WHERE DO I GO?! This has been the question running through my mind this whole intersession. It's wearing me down. I really want to go to Baylor. I got an academic scholarship there but the problem is, it only pays for like an eigth of the total price, of tuition, room, board, and books. Truthfully, I don't know what I want. I have always been taught... you are going to college...lalala...I never even questioned not going...but right now, I don't know anymore...is pharmacy really what I want to do or is it just a compromise. Maybe writing this down will help me get back on track. I don't know. I haven't talked to anyone about it. ARGHHH!! maybe I should become a pirate. I don't really get excited when I talk about becoming a pharmacist. I want to make something of myself, though. I have worked so hard my whole life without anyone pushing me besides myself. I don't know why I pushed myself so hard though. I was just a kid and I still wanted to be the best at everything...but why? it's not like anybody cared but me. Yep, that is the question that has been eating at me. I thought had things figured out but now..... kaput...

Right now, I am at my grandparents house in Phoenix. Yeah. This seems like the only time I am ever able to write in my livejournal or really be able to sit and think about things...because I am usually always on the run...practice...work...fun...practice...work...fun...clean...game...fun... yea. the never ending cycle. That is probably why this intersession has gone by so fast.

I can't believe I am almost 18 years old. I have...what?...like two more weeks...or so?...oooo...I got some big sunglasses today...i think that they are my easter present from my grandmother...but she didn't clarify that...

I should really be sleeping but since I drove until three in the morning yesterday, my schedule is all messed up. oh well. at least ya'll get to read about my exciting and random thoughts. This is the only way I'll be able to get to sleep...I just have to put all my troubled thoughts down.

Oh, If you haven't seen Million Dollar Baby, see it. There is a reason it won so many academy awards. It is a movie unlike any other. I think that I am pretty close to won of my longest entries.

Some of my family is coming down from Ohio to see me graduate. I am kind of worried. They will probably end up fighting on the way down and then it will be all awkward. Man, I didn't think people could be so noisy at one thirty. and not wake up the entire neighborhood. hmmm...

Tomorrow, I celebrate my birthday with my grandparents. I think we are going to a seafood place but I don't remember what it's called. I wanted to go to Joe's Crab Shack but they said that this other place is better. I don't know what Joe's tastes like so I will never know which one is better.

Maybe I am a weirdo.....

Date:	2005-02-01 14:29
Subject:	SNOW!
Security:	Public
Mood:	full

I can't wait until wrestling is over. urgHHH...I am just so frustrated with it, but drive on right? Well, there is only one more week, two more practices and district. Coach said that I don't have to go to Regionals if I qualify.

Well, I made the cut for Varsity Softball. So right now I have two sports to worry about. One ending and one beginning. I have just now figured out that my LIFE IS SPORTS. I have no other life.

One college application down...two to go....

FASFA still left though...

My dad did my taxes yesterday. I think that I get a total of $60 dollars back. woohooo!

Yesterday, my car stopped on the road. My battery hookup (or something like that)was loose. I didn't freak out. Thank goodness Vikki lives near by. I thought it broke down because someone was laying on my car before i left the school but that wasn't it.

oh and it snowed today. There was a swan ice sculpture outside the cafeteria.
It turns out that I am ranked 28 out of the 607 people in my school.

I dissected a cat in Anatomy. It is pretty fun...but it smells...

I need to exchange my class ring. Sorry I am putting in little reminders to myself. Just like the fact that I need to finish those essays. I can't stand writing about my character or my goals in life. If it was up to me I would enjoy a life with my kids and husband. I think that I would enjoy working after my kids grow up for something to do but I want to see my kids grow up and be there for them. I don't know. Work is alright I guess. I think that it would be cool to run my own pharmacy. I'll see how it works out.

I can't wait until high school is over. I will have the privilege of seeing daylight more than the 20 minutes at lunch.

I just wanted to wish vikki a HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Thanks for being a great friend. We have had our differences just like anyone would with such an outspoken person like you...jk...but you bring me up when i am down, and not just anybody can do that these days. You understand me and we have had some crazy times because of that. I remember when we first met. We looked the same, we had the same sounding name, and we both came from the beloved state of Ohio. People would get us confused and they still do. They get confused when they don't see us together. Funny, huh? I am so glad that I found a lifetime friend. We can have our children call each of us Aunt Miquela or Aunt Victoria. I can't wait till that day. Well, maybe I can. I hope that you have one of the happiest birthday this year. I don't have much to give other than.... well you'll find out tomorrow. (PS. get rid of some of your stuff so that i can buy you something you don't have j/k).

-Love ya
Q

Date:	2004-12-30 19:33
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	lazy
Music:	Concrete Angel- Martina McBride

Well, today i did absolutely nothing except take my sister to the mall and go to wrestling practice. Someones plans changed and made my day, a waiting day...
I guess I don't matter that much.

Date:	2004-12-26 03:47
Subject:	yeah!
Security:	Public
Mood:	ecstatic
Music:	Shrek 2

This christmas is the best ever. I got everything I asked for and more. In fact right now i am writing from my brand new laptop. It's awesome. I got it from my grandparents and uncle. It is my christmas, birthday, and graduation present...and jokingly my wedding present. Man am I lucky. I never even dreamt of this. This so great. Wireless internet and the works. I also recieved a mp3 player from my parents. My grandparents also gave me a printer and clothes. My parents gave me a cd player/alarm clock. I am so spoiled for my grandparents to be here without any problems because their was a lot of accidents because of the snow on the highway. Right now we are making the traditional christmas dinner. It smells so good. Well, I wanted to wish everybody a Merry Christmas.

I hope that everyone got what they wanted.

I am at my grandmother's right now in Arizona. It is so relaxing here. I love it. Dinner was great. I have to go run it off though because i am trying to get down to 119 lbs for wrestling. I haven't been having the best time in it though. (although it could be worse).

I really don't know what to put in these things anymore. Almost everything I put in here is really boring. Nothing outragous has really happened.

I just wish that I could have someone to hold.

Date:	2004-10-14 16:03
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm
Music:	the guy that is singing beside me

I have to type this really fast because I have 5 mins lefT OF THIS CLASS. aND MY FRIEND, he told me to tell you that he is hot, JUST PRESSED THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON.There. All right...yeah my dad moved out of the house. i don't know what exactly is going to happen. I bought my cap and gown today and I also got a tassel for 2005. WOOOHOOOO! yes out of high school. I was working on a scholarship last night. I looked at what I did this morning and I was completely confused on what I wrote. Oh well, I'll work on it tonight. Sci Fair project is going alright. Well my life is just chillin right now...NOTHING TO EXTREME UNTIL THIS WHOLE THING IS OVER WITH. I need to settle down and not go out too much. It is just too much to deal with.

Vote for Nader!
YEAH~Miqi

Date:	2004-10-07 19:21
Subject:	What a week.
Security:	Public
Mood:	lonely
Music:	TV

Well at the beginning of this week I thought that I would be in Arizona with my grandparents but no that's not the case. I have my court case thing tomorrow. And today my father left us...